Sometimes we are faced with circumstances that put our tightly squeezed dreams in jeopardy. The ones you hold really close to your chest to make it through the dark days. Dreams that make your life more vibrant and joyful. That if they were an orange would make the best juice imaginable as you sip it in the sun during the cool of the morning. To have those kind of dreams dangled in front of you just out of reach hurts to the core.
I had one of those experiences recently. The possibility of one of my most sacred dreams was hanging in the balance. When I received that news I immediately felt grief and disappointment. I asked Jesus to let me feel those for a minute. I didn’t want to discount my experience with this news. I wanted to feel what it felt like because my fleshly state is to tuck it away in an unmarked corridor of my heart. To not let it be felt because I was stronger than that. Maybe I would revisit it later when I had my head on my shoulders just right.
No, this time I wanted to feel the grief and it hurt. I was aware of my thought patterns as to not let them lead me in a path that strayed from truth. I crawled into my bed and my grief was quickly turned into frustration. How could this be? After everything I couldn’t lose this too. It was then that I invited the Lord into the conversation. I let Him know what was going on and that I was looking for His voice in this mess. I opened up scripture and was brought to a passage about the Lord’s covenant promise to David. One of the lines that stuck out to me was when He said that He has been with David wherever he has gone. I believe that this promise reigns above all other promises or dreams. This one wouldn’t just produce a single orange but would be a garden so lush it would fill and overflow barns. One that you could take refuge in.
Isn’t it beautiful that this is our right? It isn’t something stored away for the future but our present day to day reality. That when we invite the maker of the wind and seas into our conversation He happily joins and offers the best advice. That we get to sit in His lap and hear His heartbeat. A moment that produced grief, disappointment, and frustration was made new and suddenly I was closer to the Father. I would take refuge in that garden any day. For when we are surrounded by what seems to be a barren desert there will always be a flower to look at and gleam something from. From pain produces an opportunity for acceptance with joy. It is a heavy cross to carry, acceptance with joy, but is worth it on so many levels. So dig in and seek out the fruit. Seek out the heartbeat of the Father.