We do not control our words once they leave us. They can cause damage whether intended or blind. They can also dance off our lips in praise of truths such as heavenly affirmation, bold encouragements, and sincere forgiveness. Words can be life giving or cut like a thousand swords. Words are powerful. They are an art form and they should be treated as such for we set them free the moment we speak them. They are not to be cast aside in passive misgivings of the heart but poured out from the spirit like the living water that flows from the throne. Grace, compassion, and fervent love flowing with the river of the ultimate sacrifice. Cleansing and pure it touches us like a whisper soon to be a powerful wave crashing down with excellent force. All consuming it leaves nothing behind. No memory, no wound, and no mistake is left untouched. Broken becomes whole and unlovable becomes divinely cherished.
This is so much more than just simple emotions. This is a deep stirring that causes you to rise and look around. To take note of the things that must change through process and look toward the only thing that is necessary. We have been given permission to enter the Holy place. Once an honor only given to members of the high society it is now humbly offered to the bedraggled brotherhood of misfits and wanderers. Strife and fear may cause doubt but the divine invitation must be clasped closer to the heart than your very breath. For moments come when you are swept away in delight by the same Presence that created the chasms of the deep sea and painted the illuminations of the Northern Lights. You must know that your passions were not misplaced. Not the passions of the flesh but the ones that make your spirit tip toe in delight.
Seasons can be hard. This past one was brutal for me. I went into it begging for genuine connection so I could finally drop the falsity that had become my defense mechanism. Instead, I went into a season of solitude. Not completely but enough to make my head swim with doubt, insecurity, and disappointment. I’m afraid to admit my cat, couch, and T.V. shows became the trio I was most consumed by. However, it wasn’t before long that the power of laziness lost its grip and the bright glow of a screen could no longer numb the emotions I was trying to bury. It has taken me awhile to come clean. I continued to parade around with false dignity like my self-proclaimed perfection was achievable and I was somewhat closer to it. I can stand that no longer. My isolation has driven me to a breaking point.
So please join me in recognizing the fact that however present my flaws may be, they do not define me. That I too am washed clean by that which flows from the throne. Grace does not pass me by but I may indulge in the dessert of the Lord’s love at the table of the Beloved. My place has been set and I take the invitation hungry for more of Him. This is my public declaration of the process of my sanctification. It pairs nicely with my public baptism that took place last Easter Sunday at a church full of love and absent of harsh judgement. Today I forgo public isolation and chose intimacy because it is my choice to do so. My battle was won but not by me. I hope things are wildly different because the One to whom my life is dedicated is wildly extravagant. Brother Lawrence says, “Instead, as we nourish our souls by seeing God in His exaltation, we will derive a great joy at being His.”
Thank you for bearing with me on this painfully honest and twisty journey. My only goal is to glorify Him and hope that my thoughts and experience can offer you perspective. You are not alone. However uncomfy and hard it is to share your innermost thoughts with trusted pals, it can be so rewarding. It pointed me back to the truth and realigned my priorities. The bitterness and resentment that had made residence in my heart was disbanded. He isn’t afraid of my questions or my anger. He welcomes it like a potter with soft clay. Smoothing out the edges and tears. Being dismantled is unpleasantly insecure but if it brings me even one step closer to the Father I count everything else as nothing. Take joy in every season, especially the hard ones. Watch your words for they reflect where your heart is. Allow them to be trained with Holy thoughts so that when you let them loose they bear good fruit. People are placed as unique gifts on your journey. As opportunities to spread love that does not need to be returned for His is sufficient. So cherish your moments with them and allow yourself to come up for a breath of fresh air in the form of a genuinely authentic conversation.
“I don’t mean to overstate what is yet unknown, but part of me believes when the story of earth is told, all that will be remembered is the truth we exchanged. The vulnerable moments. The terrifying risk of love and the care we took to cultivate it. And all the rest, the distracting noises of insecurity and the flattery of the flashbulbs will flicker out like a turned-off television.” Donald Miller