He is deeply upsetting

I want to be filled with wonder. With awe. With inspiration.

I regretfully decline to continue to pray for money, success, and fame.

I count any form of lust in my heart for a high position in the world as a grievous sin.

I am inextricably sick with myself. I read a portion of the Bible or some simple scripture then conclude that it is my job to go forth and love others. It is through my love that others will be changed. I consider only my benefits for these displays of affection. I set myself on the path of self-righteousness atop my high horse of self-appreciating love. Where is my crown? Then I remember the crown of thorns and I am suddenly knocked down in a pit of humble servitude.

For I am now utterly convinced that on judgement day the Lord Jesus will ask one question and one question only… “Did you believe that I loved you?”

When you encounter the True Love it will be hard to return to your casual way of life. Because of this I ask that He forgive the casualness of my love. It is so mundane. So cheap. For that I am embarrassed and hide behind a veil of false purity. Some believe that in order to be loved they need to love. When in fact, you are only lovable because He loves you. “Do you believe that I loved you?”

Consider the process of a vineyard. When a wine master is thinking of where to plant his vines he wants his crop to yield the best results possible. For this reason, he chooses rocky soil so that the vines struggle to find nutrition. The roots of the plants have to grow deeper and deeper to produce the best fruit. The best fruit produces the best taste. Now parallel this to the parable of the vine and the branches. Jesus says that He is the true vine, God is the wine master, and we are the branches. If we do not remain in Him then we will not produce true fruit. The most beautiful part about it all is that we are already made clean by the Word He has spoken to us. We no longer need to hide in embarrassment but instead the Love that He has shown us spills over to others. That is how you truly love others. That is how you love like Jesus. But… “Did you believe that I loved you?”

I have been loved by Jesus

Through the sweet touch of sunlight on my weary skin.

Through the sunsets that graze my eyes at dusk.

Through the way my heart sings in true companionship.

Through the swaying of the tree branches in the rustling wind.

Through the sweet words of philosophy and the testimony of others.

Through music and driving… especially the combination of the two. (You will find me at one of my happiest moments when I am blasting My Tears Are Becoming A Sea by M83 while driving down the highway with the windows down).

How has Jesus loved you?

My final prayer is that I will not be wrapped up in the sin of “everydayness.” Many are drawn to the numbness of routine. They stick to what they know because of their fear of the uncomfortable. The most beautiful moments come from looking to what you do not know and seeing that the stars are shining, the sun is setting, your friends are laughing, and life is passing by at every second. So many look back on their lives and wish they would not have taken little moments for granted.

Erma Bombeck writes:

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded. I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains. I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime. When my child kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now get washed up for dinner.” There would have been more I love yous, more I’m sorrys, but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute, look at it and really see it, live it, and never give it back.

God’s creation surrounds us. We breathe the very essence of Him daily. Proof of His existence is what keeps the earth from tilting a little more or being captured by the sun. It is our choice whether or not we see it. Take caution, however, because your life will be radically transformed when you begin to take it in a little more everyday.

For we cannot fix Him at the end of a telescope or a microscope and say, “How interesting!” God is far from being merely interesting. He is deeply upsetting.