Sometimes we come across bumps in the road. They may be gaping potholes or small rocks that just get ya a little bit. But no matter what the size or circumstance I am a firm believer that your outlook determines everything about the situation. So I come to you today to tell you about a recent bump in my road. More importantly, however, I come to tell you of my hope. My confidence. My security.
At this moment I have a pretty large tumor pressing in on my airway and wrapping around my esophagus. About 9 years ago I battled stage four cancer so the news of this tumor sparked a certain fear in my family. When I was sitting in my hospital bed with wires running everywhere and a mask covering my face to help me breath the doctor came in to give the news. He looked at me and said the results of the CT scan. All eyes are on me to see what my reaction will be. I smile softly at the doctor, look right back at him, and say,
“Okay, I’m not worried.”
Let me simplify things for you. Medical terms can freak people out sometimes. I was presented with a situation where I could either freeze up in fear and let thoughts consume my mind or I could gracefully sit in the stillness of what is to come with a hopeful faith that trusts in Something much bigger than me. Recently, someone very dear to me said that she could see Jesus carving out a certain level of deep intimacy within me. She said she wasn’t sure why but she encouraged me to press in. Deeper and deeper. Now, I gain some of the fruit that comes from close relationship with Jesus. I get to stand before a doorway marked “Circumstantial Fear,” turn around, and fall into the arms of my Father.
I can say with utter honesty that the emotions I felt when the doctor gave us the news were comfort and peace. That, loves, is because in the Kingdom of my Jesus everything is turned upside down. Darkness turns to light, depravity turns to joy, and sickness turns to opportunity. Friends, I get the honor of having an opportunity to pour into your lives the steadfastness of what I experience in personal relationship. For some reason He determined me to be a worthy candidate of a network of people who come close in situations like these. They pull together, believers and unbelievers, for a common good. Whether they know it or not they are participating in the story of a Miraculous God. He is so dang good. So dang faithful. I trust Him with everything I have. These things I believe to my core. This is where my peace comes from. This is where my strength comes from. This, dear ones, is where my confidence lies. So take my hand in this journey.
One of the biggest truths I’ve learned thus far is that we can only determine our own actions and thoughts. I don’t control what you think or say. I cannot tell you what or how to feel. Your choice is your own. I can, however, encourage the socks off of ya and invite you in on my journey. I have a choice to open up to you in vulnerability and tell you the thoughts in my mind. So I have poured out my heart for this situation and want to encourage you to choose peace. Choose relationship. Choose the path that will give you the strength, the endurance, and the joy to face your own circumstances. There is no point in us comparing our different stories saying one is worse than the other. You face the battles put before you for a reason. Jesus is always calling you. Pursuing you. He wants to take the negativity, the pain, the hardships. He will lead you to the Light. Love, there is so much for you in the Light. If anything, I want only to be a testimony that empowers you to surrender it all to the one who intensely desires your heart.
I like to think of us all as a giant blanket woven together that is interconnected at different points and forms a magnificent picture when put together. Think of the beauty in that. A body, a community, intently bound together in support of one another. Everyone needed to complete the work. I love that I get to be a part of this blanket. That my story is connected within a colorful pattern of souls. So let’s take a step back from the chaos, take a deep breath, and admire the picture. In the stillness we seek clarity and in the Light we see through the lens of our Great Admirer. Stay thankful, loved ones.
I go in for a biopsy tomorrow morning to determine what the tumor is. The doctor’s like to say they think it a reoccurrence of cancer. That it may be. But for all I know they could open my chest tomorrow and find no trace of tumor. So join me in prayer for the Lord’s will to be done. Trust that He loves to do the miraculous for His children. I know I am deeply loved and cherished by my Father so I take His hand in this and go where He goes. I am covered.
“One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple. For in the days of trouble He will keep me safe in His dwelling; He will hide me in the shelter of His sacred tent and set me high upon a rock.”