It has been battered and bruised. The heart that has always held so much confidence in the joy of hope. Confidence in the walls towering in defense against fullness. For so long it understood fullness to be all mountain top experiences. Sweet, kind, strong, and happy. It was warned to not feel the pain of the surroundings. To overcome was its anthem. Overcome, don’t succumb to the hurt of your experiences. Most of all, don’t let anyone see the weakness you may feel in your situation. You can be strong. It will be okay.
A battle began to rage against the walls. Between flesh and spirit the heart was torn. Back and forth, to and fro, it took the beatings. Scared of what it meant to let the One fight the battles for it. The heart pushed forward. Dug deeper. Till there was nothing left. Guilt cried out and the bruises of pride took their place. To be seen was to be known and that was far too risky. Authenticity was only an option when the heart could choose the conversation. Manipulation came easy. But now the heart hurt too deeply.
The wounds kept tearing. The band aids weren’t doing their job anymore. Only a heart surgeon could repair the gaping wounds. To call the surgeon meant to admit defeat. To admit the heart’s inability to be the savior. To admit they couldn’t be in control. To realize the true meaning of fullness was to experience all of it. To taste the sweetness of good moments and mountain top seasons. But most of all to truly face the valleys. Not the ones where the heart leads the army of faith into battle. The one where the heart has to let go of the armor. Where the heart has to be dismantled. Naked and truly vulnerable.
But it is in that moment that the steel, cold armor is replaced with lush, royal robes. Like a warm bath after a long journey the heart soaks in the freedom of letting the King fight the battle. For this is what He proclaims over the heart,
“Be still, my beloved.
Put your sword down, my child.
Allow yourself to fall, my love.
For it is there that you will feel the full embrace of my arms as I catch you.
Do not fear, beloved.
When you come to the end of yourself is when there is the most room for My Presence.”
Let this be our new anthem.