My sweet friends, today was a tough one.
I woke up in the middle of the night with some pretty terrible pain. My whole body was aching due to the side effects of these shots I have to take after my chemo cycle. Several hours later my mom came into my room because she was awakened by the sound of me crying in pain. Ouch, that’s vulnerable. We ended up driving to the ER where I had to wait another four hours before they administered any pain medication. Apparently this morning was a rough one for a lot of people and my case was not as urgent as the ones that kept rolling in. That’s okay though I know they do their best.
I struggled today because I had been feeling so good during the last week but then it was as if the entirety of all my side effects from chemo piled on all at once. My joints hurt, I have mouth sores, and I’m not sleeping well. Then I was hit by a big one today. I’m losing my hair. I thought that I might have dodged a bullet but today it started falling and it hasn’t stopped. I’ve cried a lot today.
Okay so there’s all the terrible of terribles. Now, we get to move on to the good stuff. The heart of what I want to share with you and the core of what I hope you take away from this post. Yeah I got my butt kicked today but there is so much goodness that my Jesus was whispering to me as He walked with me through this rough patch I’ve just gotta share.
I know my Jesus is turning this to good. He was with me today as I cried through the pain. I felt a peace knowing that this too shall pass. That this battle has been won. He keeps reminding me of these dreams He has given me and assured me that they will be fulfilled. He told me to read through John 14-16 and as I opened these pages I was met by a love letter to me about how He has sent a Helper… a Comforter… to be my home forever. He says to abide in His love. That nothing I ask for is to be kept from me. That I may have sorrow now but my heart will soon rejoice.
Is this hitting you? He is so personal. So intimate. His invitation is a home in the presence of joy, abundance, but most importantly real relationship. He cares for every cell of your body because He devoted precious time to design it. He sparks passions and desires in your heart and then delights in watching you enjoy them. To abide in Him is to live a life of thrilling adventure. I’m telling you… living each day in tune with what He has for me is the epitome of fulfillment.
I am being pruned. He has seen an open vessel and has chosen by grace to ask me to choose trust. A ruthless trust. One that will stand the test of time and produce fruit that I can’t even begin to imagine. I want His presence and glory to be magnified. I want His goodness to shine brighter than ever before because His light will penetrate the darkness of even our toughest situations.
Hope is the substance of abiding in Him.
He is doing miraculous works within my body so that I can be a testimony of His goodness. So that this woven blanket of intricate stories will come together to produce the most beautiful story. You are apart of this journey. So please, my dear friends, be encouraged. Abide. It makes it all worth it. More than worth it, necessary. Allow His perfect process to take over.
Go make today great.